A Battle for Dominance
by CranberryL2
Summary: Iceland and Finland get into a fight about who's the most uke-ish Nordic, and Norway, Sweden, and Denmark get inexplicably sucked in. MULTIPLE PAIRINGS, YAOI, CRACK


… **All I can say is that I have become far too obsessed with yaoi lately...**

**Should this be rated M? And, plus, it gets funnier toward the end, hopefully...**

"Hey, Iceland!" the young man heard the chirpy voice of one of his fellow Nordics behind him, signaling that he wasn't the only one who'd remembered the five of them had set up a meeting after all.

Turning in his chair that faced a blank whiteboard, he greeted Finland with a nod, saying, "Hello."

Finland settled himself in the chair next to Iceland, sighing as he sat back. "I just got mistaken for a girl again, even though I'm nearly twenty-five in outward appearance," he bursted out, clearly agitated, "Honestly, I don't know how that works! My hair's short, I wear a man's military outfit, how much more masculine could I get without changing my looks entirely?" Seeing Iceland's unresponsive expression, he quickly calmed himself. "Though I'm sure being in your situation is so much harder, of course, Iceland..."

The albino raised an eyebrow. "My situation?" He hadn't been aware that he even had a situation.

"You know," Finland hinted, nudging him, "Your situation! Like, how you're both the youngest and girliest of the Nordics! That must suck!"

Iceland's look was suddenly all the more quizzical. Him? How could HE be called the girliest Nordic by Finland, King of Moe? Surely Finland couldn't be counting himself in this estimate. Carefully measuring his words, he replied, "What makes you say that?"

Finland chuckled, waving his hand merrily. "Oh, it's just because you're so tsundere, and after all, pretty much every one of us others are more manly than you! It's just logic, isn't it?"

At this point, Iceland was just insulted. "Are you calling me an uke?" He questioned thunderously, scaring the crap out of his companion, "YOU? The sovereign ruler of all who are unfittingly womanly? HA!" He spat a laugh in the other's face.

An affronted(Yet, in his own opinion, obviously masculine) look crossed Finland's features at this point, making him shudder from the pure, PMS-ing fury emanating from the other. "But Iceland, I thought you knew how everyone else in the Nordics thought of you!" he cried, shivering.

Iceland halted on his demonic tirade, sending Finland a horrified, humiliated look. "The... others... They've said...?"This made Finland think a bit.

"Er, actually, I've never really heard them SAY anything regarding you in this whole business," he finally answered, "But I'm pretty sure they think the same way!"

Iceland sighed. "The situation with me thinking of you that way is the same," he muttered, "I think it's that way, but I'm not sure they've ever actually said it..."

At that extremely opportune moment, Sweden walked in. Finland's face brightened as he saw his "husband" enter the room, giving Iceland the impression that the awkward conversation was over for now. However, he then heard Finland ask the tall man, "Sweden, who's more uke-ish out of Iceland and me?" Iceland's face exploded with embarrassment.

Sweden, too, was flushed at this point. What way was that to greet the man of your dreams?(At least, that's how he pictured Finland thinking of him) And what was he supposed to say? Finland had a sort of begging look on his face, but was he begging to be pegged as more or less dominant than Iceland?

Come to think of it, who WAS more uke-ish than the other? Sweden was getting more confused by the minute - Finland had a rounder, softer face with bigger eyes, yes, but Iceland was so slender, with more effeminate clothing... To add on to the confusion, they were about the same height, so that wasn't much of a factor in helping determine the most uke of the Nordics. "I-I," he stammered, honestly not knowing the answer to Finland's question, when suddenly -

HE WAS SAVED BY THE APPEARANCE OF NORWAY BARGING INTO THE ROOM.

At this point, both Iceland and Finland raced to Norway's side, now impatiently wondering who was the true uke in the room, and demanded the answer in a way that did not make much sense to Norway but did allow him to know that they'd gotten in an argument on the subject of dominance. Not quite catching the details, he distracted the two frantic men by sneaking his arms around each of their waists and pulling them close.

"All I know is that I luurve you both," he teased, hugging them to his chest. Iceland blushed and squirmed, annoyed by his brother's random little display of affection, Finland sighed and rolled his eyes at the prospect of YET ANOTHER man randomly hugging him, and Sweden silently stewed at Norway for having the nerve to hug his precious wife. Just as Sweden was about to take action, Denmark burst into the room, causing Sweden to become even more aggravated, Norway to suddenly have the urge to punch a tall, blonde, spiky-haired passerby, Denmark to laugh merrily and not read the situation at all, Iceland to be disappointed by the distraction of his brother, and Finland to silently weep for the lost cause that this meeting had just become.

After everything had settled down and someone had properly explained the situation to Norway and Denmark, the two aforementioned nations sat with confused, uncomprehending expressions on their faces while Iceland and Finland patiently waited for a proper answer to their mysterious conundrum. Sweden tried to come up with something himself, but simply couldn't; They were just too darn close.

Denmark then said, "Well, I don't know - but what I DO know is that no matter what the answer is, I can top everyone in this room!" He then cackled wickedly while the rest of them stared daggers at him.

"N't true," Sweden grunted. "Wh't 'bout m'?"

Denmark cackled again. "You, too, Sweden! I said EVERYONE and I mean EVERYONE!"

"But Denmark," Norway cut in, "I thought you said you liked wearing skirts?"

"Of course I do!"

"If you're dominant over everyone else, you can't wear skirts as often."

Denmark stopped in his tracks. But... He loved the breeze! If he wasn't allowed to wear a dress every now and again, where would the fun be in life?

This was actually going through everyone else's mind at the same time.

Iceland's cheeks magically flushed as he grabbed Norway's sleeve and whined, "Nii-chan, I want to wear a skirt!"

Suddenly Finland procured a box of sparkles out of midair, tossed some in his hair, opened his eyes wide, and said, "Su-san? Aren't I cute?"

Norway himself was shaking Iceland's arm off, beautiful tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes as he murmured, "I just realised I like wearing skirts, too... I'm sorry, my brother..."

Sweden and Denmark tried. They really did. But when they saw the incredible ukeness gushing from the pores of the other three, their nosebleeds were unstoppable. Sweden wanted nothing more than to grab the nearest of the three(which happened to be Norway) and drag him off into a secluded place, but he didn't want to get blood from his nosebleed all over one of these adorable little delicacies, so he started making out with Denmark instead.

The mewling little kittens didn't want to be left out, either, so they started crawling over one another, Iceland whining, Norway crying, Finland moe... er... ing... until, suddenly, Hungary walked in, guided by her YAOI RADAR.

The scene before her was too beautiful. She called the first friend she thought of, Belarus, who arrived about five seconds later to behold the spectacle. Of course, she was followed closely by Ukraine, who was horrified that she'd walked in on this "private meeting", but couldn't tear her eyes away.

All at once, the men saw the girls gathered by the door. Well, technically, Denmark saw them first, froze, which alerted Sweden, who had been making out with Denmark, which was noticed by Finland, who was being glomped by Norway, who had Iceland chewing gently on his ear(Don't judge him, he just likes chewing on ears, okay?).

As you can imagine, this was a very awkward position to be seen in, and when Hungary snatched a camera out of her pocket, they all broke out of their reverie to shout, "NO!" and dash for the camera. Of course, at that point, she'd already flashed a picture(a little blurry, but it would do) and was giggling and drooling over how much she could make off of the picture alone.

Belarus, more sensibly, asked, "Err, how did this happen?" Deep down, she was nearly as ecstatic as Hungary, but of course she didn't let it show.

Once everything was explained, Hungary giggled. "Of course we can help you out there! We're the experts, aren't we, girls?" Ukraine and Belarus nodded vigorously.

"Please excuse us for a second," they said, dismissing themselves from the room. A few minutes later, they re-entered.

"We've decided," Hungary announced, "That Denmark is the least uke." Denmark grumbled in discontent. Well, at least he still dominated everyone.

"Sweden is fourth most uke." Sweden grunted. He'd have guessed that him being the tallest and the fact that he'd been forcefully making out with Denmark earlier would've earned him the top spot, but he didn't mind too much.

"Norway is in the middle." Pretty much what everyone was expecting.

Now it was all up to Finland and Iceland. Each was thinking the same thing; If they were runners-up, at least they'd be dominant over SOMEONE, while if they were number one, they'd get... er... "special privileges", so it was pretty much a win-win situation between them both.

Unless the girls said what they did.

"For Iceland and Finland," Hungary giggled, "Well, we honestly couldn't decide! You're both just so cute!"

As she continued laughing alongside her friends, Finland and Iceland couldn't help but think of all the ways she'd be tortured for this.

**THEY JUST WANT TO KNOW, DAMMIT!**

**Anyway, which do you think is more uke? And what about Denmark and Sweden, I wasn't too sure about them... Reviews greatly appreciated!**


End file.
